The Curious Case of the British 'X'

Decoding the Kiss That Confuses Americans

Welcome to An American's Guide to British Life - my lighthearted celebration of British culture! As an American living in the UK for the past three years, I love exploring the delightful cultural differences and similarities that make life here so interesting. These articles are written with affection and humor, never judgement and always with respect.

The first time I received a WhatsApp message from my British friend that ended with "xx," I was momentarily confused. Was it a typo? A keyboard malfunction? Some kind of code?

Little did I know I was encountering one of the most subtle yet pervasive aspects of British communication culture – the casual sign-off "kiss" that peppers text messages, emails, and social media comments across the United Kingdom.

If you're an American who has ever been bewildered by these mysterious x's appearing at the end of otherwise professional or casual messages from British friends, you're not alone. Let's decode this peculiar British habit that continues to puzzle Americans.

The 'X' Basics: Not a Typo, But a Cultural Institution

In the UK, the letter "x" at the end of a message represents a kiss. This simple symbol has become a widespread way to express warmth in digital communication among friends and family.

What makes this tradition distinctly British is how it has evolved into an everyday social custom with its own unwritten rules and expectations. Unlike the occasional "xoxo" seen in American messages, the British "x" is a regular feature in casual conversations, forming an integral part of how people connect through text.

This tradition didn't start with smartphones or social media. Long before digital communication, British letter writers would often sign off with an "x" or multiple "x's" to symbolize affection. When text messaging arrived, this custom naturally migrated to the new medium and then expanded exponentially.

What's remarkable is how ubiquitous this practice has become in Britain compared to America. While some Americans might use "xoxo" (kisses and hugs) in specific contexts, the British "x" appears everywhere in personal communications – from messages to close family members to casual acquaintances and friends.

The Unwritten Rules: A Complex Social Calculus

Like many aspects of British culture, the use of "x" follows elaborate unwritten rules that natives navigate instinctively but that leave foreigners completely baffled.

The Intimacy Scale

The number of x's often correlates with the closeness of your relationship:

• A single "x": The standard, default option. Safe for most acquaintances, colleagues you're friendly with, and new friends.

• "xx": For closer friends and family members. A comfortable middle ground.

• "xxx" or more: Reserved for very close relationships – best friends, romantic partners, or family members.

• No "x": Can feel abrupt or cold if you've previously been using them in your exchanges with someone. One British friend explained it to me this way: "If my mother normally sends 'love you xxx' and then suddenly texts 'see you tomorrow x,' I'd assume she's annoyed with me."

• Capitalization ("Xx" or "XX"): Some people use capitalization for emphasis or stylistic preference, though the meaning remains essentially the same.

A British friend once gave me this simple rule of thumb: if you'd feel comfortable giving someone a hug when greeting them in person, then they're someone you could add an 'x' to in your messages. It's a thoughtful way to gauge the appropriate level of warmth in written communication.

The Obligation of Reciprocity

Perhaps the most anxiety-inducing aspect of the British "x" system is the matter of reciprocation. Here's how it typically unfolds:

1. A British person sends you a message with an "x" at the end

2. Social convention dictates that you should respond with an "x" as well

3. Failure to include an "x" in your reply may be interpreted as coldness, anger, or that something is wrong

This creates a form of social contract – once x's have been exchanged, they're expected to continue in future messages. Dropping them suddenly can send unintended signals that something in the relationship has changed.

The First X: A Monumental Moment

The appearance of the first "x" in a conversation marks a subtle shift in a relationship. It often appears after you've met someone in person, had a particularly friendly exchange, or reached a new level of familiarity.

For Brits, there's an intuitive understanding of when it's appropriate to introduce the "x" into correspondence. For Americans, it can feel like trying to decipher a secret code without the key.

The Awkward Scenarios: When X Marks the Spot of Confusion

This cultural difference creates plenty of amusing (and occasionally mortifying) cross-cultural misunderstandings:

The Accidental Professional X

Many Brits have horror stories of accidentally sending work emails that ended with an "x" – a habit so ingrained that it happens automatically. Imagine signing off an email to your CEO or a new client with a kiss! Americans might be horrified, but in Britain, it's a common enough faux pas that it's usually met with understanding, if slightly awkward, amusement.

The American Misinterpretation

For Americans unfamiliar with this custom, receiving messages with "x's" from British acquaintances can lead to serious misunderstandings. Is this person flirting with me? Are they being inappropriately familiar? The answer is usually much more mundane – they're just being British.

The X Escalation

Another common scenario: an American notices British friends using "x" and decides to join in, but overdoes it with "xxxxx" to someone they barely know, unwittingly sending signals of intense affection rather than casual friendliness.

I have definitely done this and sprinkled the "x’s" generously at the end of a sentence like I do my exclamation points!!! Now that I understand more what it all means, I’m still horrified about this faux pas!

Regional and Generational Variations

Like many cultural practices, "x" usage isn't uniform across Britain:

• Northern England and Wales tend to be more generous with their x's than the traditionally more reserved South

• Young people use x's more liberally than older generations, though the practice spans all age groups

• Women typically use more x's than men. Some British men may be comfortable sending "x's" to their male friends (feel free to confirm or deny - I'd be interested to know)

American Equivalents: Do They Exist?

Photo by Brandi Alexandra on Unsplash

Americans do have their own text sign-offs, but they function differently:

• "XOXO," which means "hugs and kisses", tends to be used almost exclusively by women and in more intimate contexts

• "Love ya" or "Love you" is common among close friends in some regions, especially the South

• Many Americans simply use exclamation points to convey warmth: "Great to see you yesterday!"

• Others might use emojis whereas a Brit would use an "x"

The key difference is that American sign-offs tend to be more explicit and varied, while the British "x" is subtle, widespread, and follows an intricate social code.

What Makes the X Fascinating

What makes the British "x" tradition particularly interesting is how it evolved organically into a widespread social custom with nuanced, unspoken rules. Without any formal guidance, people across the UK have developed remarkably similar understandings of when and how to use these message-ending kisses.

It's one of those cultural practices that becomes second nature to locals but can be completely mystifying to outsiders. Like driving on the left or forming orderly queues, the "x" has become part of the fabric of British daily life—something you might not notice until its absence feels strangely significant.

When I ask my British partner how many "x's" should be used and what the rules are, it's hard to get a straight answer. It's such an instinctive part of their message writing that they don't even know how they know, they just do! And they're totally baffled by how a simple reply to a friend becomes such an anxiety-inducing event for me.

How to Navigate the X as an American

If you're an American dealing with British correspondents, here are some tips:

• Don't be alarmed if you receive messages with one or two "x's" – it's not flirtatious, just friendly

• Feel free to reciprocate with an "x" if you're comfortable doing so

• If you do start using them, be consistent – sudden stopping can cause concern

• When in doubt, mirror what the British person does – same number, same placement

Share Your X-periences

Have you encountered the mysterious British "x" in your communications? Were you confused? Did you adopt the practice yourself? Do you have your own regional text sign-off that might confuse visitors from abroad?

Drop your stories in the comments below – I'd love to hear about your cross-cultural communication adventures! xx

See you next Sunday and in the meantime, happy x’ing

Marianne xxXXxX 😉